How to be more likable at work?
You don't have to be a people pleaser. If fact, you should not try to be. Trying to please everyone can make you very unhappy. But a key requirement to grow in your career is that you need to be likable. It is true that non-likable people can rise up to a pretty high place in their careers. But eventually, sooner or later, every non-likable person will hit a ceiling. Here are some steps and actionable advice on how to become more likable at work, a lot of this is inspired by this post.
1. Give people your undivided attention
In any given day we might be bombarded with instant messaging chats, emails and calendar reminders. Not to mention in this age of working from home we might be nagged by our family at home. However, in order to show respect for our colleagues, we must give them our undivided attention, whether it be in a 1:1 setting or in a meeting with others there.
How to apply?
Put away your phone when in a meeting. Make eye contact with them and avoid fidgeting with your hands. If you must exist the meeting earlier due to a prior commitment, communicate that before hand.
2. Show genuine admiration
A few years ago I was learning how to conduct post-mortems. So I approached a senior engineering leader and asked him about his post-mortems and got some tips from them. Few months later we conducted a post mortem for an incident in the team and sent out an email to the company. I got a very nice email response from the same engineering leader who had given me tips earlier. He really liked how we approached the Root Cause analysis and our Action Items. His email made me feel nice, and appreciated.
A genuine note of appreciation can go a long way. If you are feeling extra generous then send a copy of that note to their manager as well.
How to apply?
Don't focus on convincing others of "How cool you are." Be genuinely interested in others, and stop for a moment to appreciate their strengths. Learn to praise sincerely
3. Talk about yourself only when asked to
There are two aspects to this. If we are talking about your immediate boss or folks in your corporate hierarchy you need to make sure you are able to highlight the work that you are doing. You must speak about yourself.
However when talking about peers or anyone not part of your upwards reporting chain, avoid talking about yourself unless you are asked to. Definitely feel free to talk about your life, your passions, your opinions, but only when its appropriate.
How to apply?
When answering a question about yourself, share something interesting and, most importantly, relevant to the conversation. When asked to share your opinion, don’t be glib, give a thoughtful and detailed answer.
4. Follow through
When someone asks you to do something, and you agree to it, the followthrough on that is very important to gain trust. If you say to someone, "Hey lets setup a 1:1 and chat about this", and then don't follow up to do so, you are presenting a picture of lack of followthrough. As a result you are going to give off an impression of someone who is not true to their word. If you cannot or would rather not do something, don't make a promise. Its a lot better than giving lip service to claims you have no intention of following through on.
How to apply?
Avoid making promises that you are unlikely to keep. If you raise your hand to do something, make sure you do it.
5. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable
Mike Robbins is the author of the book Bring Your Whole Self To Work. The idea there is that you should be ok to let your guard down, and be vulnerable. Be authentic. If something scares you, mention that. If you messed up, own it. Don't hide behind a facade that is made up. Show your true human self. We are not robots after all. Of course I will caveat all this with if your emotions are forcing you to yell or get really angry, those are things you need to reflect on more and check yourself on. Things like that can get you kicked out of your job at certain places, and plus no one likes an angry person. It is ok to show your frustration, but please don't let that turn in to bitterness.
How to apply?
Exposing our vulnerabilities is scary. but it will allow you to truly connect with people. You can apply this by simply admitting a past mistake, sharing some of your biggest fears, or revealing one of your imperfections no one else knows about.
6. Be curious about others and their work
While walking about the office if you happen to run into a colleague, stop and ask what they are working on. Ask questions and see what you can learn from them. Your curiosity about others work and projects will make you seem engaged. And plus you get to learn from others in the process. Curiosity is the main ingredient that keeps engaging conversations going. Genuinely try to understand the passions of people around you and carefully tailor the conversation toward those things.
How to apply?
See above!
7. Take pleasure in proactively helping others
When you go above and beyond your normal call of duty to help others in whatever issues they might be grappling with, you make a real impression on the other person. In the process it is likely that you may also end up learning a thing or two. Additionally, when word gets around that you are helpful, the good karma will circle back to you in various forms. Putting yourself out there to help others helps build your own brand as a helpful / knowledgeable colleague.
How to apply?
Helping others will make you feel good. Try to do things for others without expecting nothing in return. You will add to your own learning.